I have an apology to make to all of you. This blog for the last long time, has had one focus: me, me, me! In other words, totally self-centered. And in all of that, did I ever manage to tell you what I really love and dream? Hardly.
Sure, some of it might have been amusing. At the time, I thought it was (I still do, sort of.) But it wasn't amusing for any good purpose. Just me, trying to cleverly put words together to draw attention to myself. In other words, self-centered nothings.
I think one of the reasons my blog has been languishing for the last while is that, while I've been striving to make my life less self-centered and more and more God-centered, I haven't managed to carry it into my blog. So I when I made myself sit down and write up an awards post, I slipped as easily as possible into that ultra-self-centered rut that I don't think I've even quite left. Really, it was disgusting. Back-handedly flattering myself in an attempt to be witty, making up for that with a couple of self-centered Uriah Heepish 'umble remarks and proceeding with things about myself in a desperate attempt to make all of you think what a wonderful and witty person I am.
Needless to say, that post will not be published as it was originally written. But I don't mean to stop blogging because I do it self-centeredly any more than I mean to stop living because I do it self-centeredly. I hope to continue this blog with the same topics I've posted on before, but with a different focus. A God-focus. A lovely-focus. A thoughtful-focus. A kindness-focus.
With God's help, I have great expectations for this new phase of blogging (which might, consequently, include more posts.) And I have a request for you all. First of all, I want you to know that I am serious in what I ask. Deadly serious. (The unconcious pop-in of that quote has made me very un-serious, but I do want you to know that I mean it.) I'm not saying this 'just because'. I'm saying it because I want you to do what I ask, without any hesitation. What I'm asking is that I want you - all of you - whenever you see me slipping back into the self-centered rut, to point it out to me. Not just today or this week, but during all of my blogging. A little encouragement, even if it feels awkward, means a lot.